Sorry to hear that man. I get it, it can be hard to pick up the pieces of whats left. My experiences with therapy never really helped, but sometimes it's nice to just vent to someone. I spent many days wishing I could go back, wishing I could change something, or be better. Wishing the burdens all gone. But I think there's a magic to life, a magic one might not recognize at all. It seems too often we forget what's actually there, sometimes right in front of us; get caught up in whats not, and the rest fades away. Sounds rather stupid on paper, but it's not. By no means. Ironically, the only thing that will remain in our lives until the very end is change - in the sense that it's constant. Whether it be for the better or worse. And we can't change that fact, no matter how much we wish to. I've found comfort in friends and family, whatever's left or forgeable. And for a long time I struggled deeply to reconnect, to put myself upon a social situation seemingly foreign. Never will I be able to be the same person I once was. But I'm now fine with that, and it's probably meant to be. Spent many years wishing to leave it all at once. I think what kept me going was entertaining myself with the simplest things in life, like visiting zoos or school work. The longer the pain is away, the better. Maybe try talking to someone, even if it's indirect or only bits and pieces. I feel very fortunate to have amazing parents that can just listen. Try not to tread the road to darkness too much, to ponder on the end is just as bad. There's good parts and bad ones, triumphs and falls, sometimes worse than others. One can do nothing more but struggle to the light. The hardest part is undoubtedly reaching out to others around you, but it will be worth it. Half the battle is already complete. I'm really glad you felt the courage already to reach out here. I hope deeply that you find yourself out of here, and I wish you the best in life. Feel free to reach out; there is also a great community here on ZooChat too. Sorry if this all sounds dumb, but it's kinda hard to express this all on an online forum. By no means can I fully do much, but I hope this in some way makes a difference. You are not alone.
