TeaLovingDave's Very Tongue In Cheek 2016 Predictions...

TeaLovingDave

TeaLovingDave

Moderator
Staff member
15+ year member
In a similar vein to the threads posted by Zoogiraffe predicting UK zoological events for 2013 and 2014, and partially inspired by the fact we never got a thread for the year which is drawing to a close, I thought that it would be fun to continue the tradition for 2016.

As I don't know anywhere *near* as many people in the zoo world as Zoogiraffe does, you can take it as read that the vast majority of these predictions are posted with my tongue very firmly planted in cheek. That said, there will be the occasional crouton of truth interspersed in the thick, rich soup of deliberate misinformation, satire and plain wishful thinking :p

Feel free to make predictions of your own - tongue in cheek or not - within this thread :) but for obvious reasons don't let anything slip which you *know* you should not.
 
Right then start to fill your boots TLD,and you never know I may chip in with a few snippets myself!!
 
AFRICA ALIVE will finally earn their name and get rid of the last few non-African taxa held at the collection, with Spot-necked Otter replacing the Asian Short-Claws.

AMAZON WORLD ZOO PARK will continue to lose the unusual species which made it a bit of a Marmite collection for zoo nerds, and become a reasonably successful but not particularly noteworthy collection.

AMAZONA ZOO will astound everyone and bring in Giant Armadillo; however the animal will die of stress after two-thirds of UK zoo nerds visit the collection in a single day.

AXE VALLEY WILDLIFE PARK continues to develop and get better, with 2016 representing their most successful year yet - culminating in their receiving a lot of stock from Dartmoor when it finally closes!

BANHAM ZOO announce a 40 million pound redevelopment, including a complex for newly-arrived Bonobo and Bushbuck - the former confiscated from Twycross.

BELFAST ZOO get a first UK breeding for Asian Golden Cat, along with successful breeding of several other species - including newly arrived Monito del Monte - and the redevelopment of the "old zoo" with a view to promoting the history of the zoo to the wider public.

BIRDLAND will suffer serious flood damage in the winter months, but will take the opportunity whilst rebuilding to regroup and become a tighter and more successful collection, with oddities slowly starting to return come the end of the year.

BIRMINGHAM WILDLIFE CONSERVATION PARK successfully breeds Potto, which go on-display towards the end of the year. The collection generally continues to develop and improve, with the most noteworthy arrivals being Rusty-spotted Cat and Chacoan Mara.

BLACKPOOL ZOO mourns the loss of the last Arabian Gazelle in Europe, after a harsh winter proves too much for her. However, the spring months see the arrival of a breeding group of Dorcas Gazelle to replace her, along with a rebranding as WILD LIFE Blackpool.

BLAIR DRUMMOND SAFARI PARK obtains Blue Wildebeest and Blesbok, but go out of African Elephant, with the whole group moving to Noah's Ark Zoo Farm.

BRISTOL ZOO continue to establish themselves as *the* UK collection for marsupial diversity, with Feathertail Gliders arriving into the Nocturnal Realm and Quokka being added to the rock-wallaby exhibit. The year will end with a portion of the zoo closing for redevelopment, ready for further marsupial arrivals!

BRITISH WILDLIFE CENTRE opens a native herp-complex akin to those found at Wihelma, Augsburg and Alpenzoo, with a full complement of UK reptiles and amphibians on display. The complex will also serve as the base for captive breeding and reintroduction of sand lizards and natterjack toad.
 
"AMAZONA ZOO will astound everyone and bring in Giant Armadillo; however the
animal will die of stress after two-thirds of UK zoo nerds visit the collection in a single day.

It will be a bit crowded :p
 
CHESSINGTON ZOO will receive further Dorcas Gazelle stock from Marwell, one of several hoofstock imports which will take place over the course of 2016 culminating in Sichuan Takin.

CHESTER ZOO will complete the first phase of Islands towards the start of the year, and get rid of their doomed and inbred Asiatic Lions, replacing them with pure African Lions - a controversial move which will be soon forgotten by the public as Chester manages a UK first breeding of Sun Bear.

CHESTNUT CENTRE will be a founding member of a concerted effort by European collections to get a sustainable population of Aharoni's Eagle Owl built up.

COLCHESTER ZOO will go out of Spotted Hyena, replacing them with a new import of Brown Hyena from South Africa; one of a number of collections benefiting from this import.

COMBE MARTIN WILDLIFE PARK will finally admit that their "Arctic Wolves" are the same non-subspecific strain found elsewhere in Europe; however, any bad publicity from this will be ameliorated when they import a group of Iberian Wolves from Spain.

COTSWOLD FALCONRY CENTRE will lose a few gems over the course of the winter, including the European Scops and Palmnut Vulture, but will receive a handful of others including Vermiculated Fishing Owl and Lammergeier.

COTSWOLD WILDLIFE PARK will continue to excel as it always does, managing to successfully breed the Greater Bamboo Lemur and Crowned Sifaka and obtaining Southern Gerenuk from the USA.

CROCODILES OF THE WORLD will unveil a new house with a cohesive exhibit theme based around parallel evolution in crocodilans; on display will be Freshwater Crocodile, Slender-snouted Crocodile, Ganges Gharial and Sunda Gharial. The last of these has been in the collection for well over a year, but has never gone on-display.

CURRAGHS WILDLIFE PARK will finally lose their geriatric Marsh Mongoose.

DARTMOOR ZOO will close to the public due to a combination of a harsh winter causing damage to enclosures and loss of stock, along with a severe shortfall in finances due to low footfall. Much of the stock will be dispersed to collections within the UK.

DUDLEY ZOO will mourn the loss of Inca, their geriatric Asiatic Black Bear, as the harsh winter proves too much for her to cope with. Although planning to import a new and more suitable species of bear in the long-term, the enclosure is not vacant for long as Dudley will accept the elderly Syrian Brown Bear from Dartmoor after she is rendered homeless. This provides a stop-gap solution until Sun Bear are imported from the continent in the latter months of 2016.

DURRELL WILDLIFE CONSERVATION TRUST will import fresh blood for Greater Bamboo Lemur, Lac Alaotra Bamboo Lemur and White-Collared Bamboo Lemur, in an effort to secure all three taxa in captivity.

EDINBURGH ZOO will lose yet more species, including the majority of taxa held within the Monkey House, and the female Giant Panda will die of constipation. Not having noticed this, the zoo announces she is pregnant again. However, the fallout from this debacle is all forgotten by most zoo nerds when a new species for the UK arrives in late 2016.

EXMOOR ZOO will receive Spotted Hyena from Colchester, and successfully breed a number of their more unusual carnivore treasures. Although the loss of both "African" leopards to old age will be a blow, the collection will recover splendidly when it receives Sri Lankan Leopard from South Lakes.

FIFE ANIMAL PARK will re-open to much fanfare, and will contain a number of species now unusual in public collections - although not uncommon in private hands. However, the collection will close within a year, victim of the factors which have defeated it many times before.

FIVE SISTERS ZOO PARK will continue to slowly add to their collection, with Tayra and Saddleback Tamarin among the more unusual arrivals.

FLAMINGOLAND will finally see sense and resume the sale of "zoo-only" tickets.
 
TeaLovingDave said:
CHESSINGTON ZOO will receive further Dorcas Gazelle stock from Marwell, one of several hoofstock imports which will take place over the course of 2016 culminating in Sichuan Takin.
Click to expand...

Of course, the Takin will be kept in an area only open during the high season, forcing zoo-nerds to pay full-price summer entrance fees.
 
Pootle said:
Bloody hell TLD, it's like reading the Grim Reapers 2016 zoo plans :eek:
Click to expand...

Yes, TLD's not the most optimistic of people sometimes - not sure how suited he is to a light-hearted preview of the year! :p
 
I'm getting worried that when TLD gets to the letter Z he will predict that some of us older ZooChatters will fail to survive this harsh winter :(

Alan
 
TeaLovingDave said:
DUDLEY ZOO will mourn the loss of Inca, their geriatric Asiatic Black Bear, as the harsh winter proves too much for her to cope with. Although planning to import a new and more suitable species of bear in the long-term, the enclosure is not vacant for long as Dudley will accept the elderly Syrian Brown Bear from Dartmoor after she is rendered homeless. This provides a stop-gap solution until Sun Bear are imported from the continent in the latter months of 2016.
Click to expand...

Blimey! So this Syrian Brown Bear isn't even going to last a year before it freezes to death. It also sounds as though the entire Macaque group will turn into popsicles, fall to the ground, and shatter into a million pieces to provide more space for these Sun Bears :D
 
Maguari said:
Yes, TLD's not the most optimistic of people sometimes - not sure how suited he is to a light-hearted preview of the year! :p
Click to expand...

You say that, but thus far I've only made four entirely pessimistic predictions (Amazona, Curraghs, Dartmoor and Fife) with the other 25 either being entirely positive or mixed :p

gentle lemur said:
I'm getting worried that when TLD gets to the letter Z he will predict that some of us older ZooChatters will fail to survive this harsh winter :(

Alan
Click to expand...

You're safe, I've already got past A for Alan :p ;)

Benosaurus said:
Blimey! So this Syrian Brown Bear isn't even going to last a year before it freezes to death.
Click to expand...

Did I say she will freeze? :p The harsh winter is the one we're about to enter, not the one at the end of 2016.
 
TeaLovingDave said:
You say that, but thus far I've only made four entirely pessimistic predictions (Amazona, Curraghs, Dartmoor and Fife) with the other 25 either being entirely positive or mixed :p
Click to expand...

Maybe, but you do seem to start each entry by looking what you can kill off! I thought this was meant to be a fun thread, not a depressing one. ;)

For the record, Inca still looked pretty sprightly on Saturday!
 
GALLOWAY WILDLIFE CONSERVATION PARK will experience yet more financial trouble after winter storms cause enclosure damage - however, an increase in visitors after they breed their short-clawed otters again will see them through.

GENTLESHAW WILDLIFE CENTRE will announce the expansion of the collection, increasing the footplan of the site significantly and allowing a number of new enclosures to be constructed - the first of which will be a nocturnal house displaying Kinkajou along with a number of species sent from Hoo Farm at short notice.

HAMERTON ZOO PARK will continue expanding and improving, with a Malayan Tiger house opening at Easter and construction starting on a new native species development towards the end of the year. The loss of the last Southern Aardwolf will be balanced by the UK first successful breeding of Eastern Aardwolf.

HAWK CONSERVANCY TRUST will expand their pre-existing International Vulture Programme to cover the Lammergeier, and to that end will receive a pair of the taxon as ambassador animals to educate the public about this unusual species and the threats facing them within Europe.

HEYTHROP ZOO, having experienced record numbers during their 2015 open weekend, will open for two weekends in 2016 - one at Easter, and one at the usual point in early Autumn. By the latter weekend, the collection will have lost the elderly Asian Black Bear, but gained an unusual large carnivore.

HIGHLAND WILDLIFE PARK will continue to expand and develop, with additions to the animal collection including Alpine Ibex, Dall Sheep, Andean Condor, Mountain Pygmy Possum and - in a surprise move which will meet with much scepticism - Giant Panda!

HOO FARM will obtain several unusual species including Zorilla and Bobcat, none of which will live long. Several more species will disappear from the collection and resurface at Gentleshaws, Reaseheath and Rodbaston.

HOWLETTS WILD ANIMAL PARK will lose a number of species, including African Wildcat and Mitred Surili, but successfully breed the Ratel and bring in Flat-headed Cat and pure Hanuman Langur.

INTERNATIONAL CENTRE OF BIRDS OF PREY will continue to expand and add species to the Duncombe Park site, with arrivals also occurring at the Newent site. One species coming to both collections will be an owl taxon currently absent from European public collections, imported from a private breeder in Italy.

KIRKLEY HALL ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS will receive Palawan Binturong, which will be one of a number of species to go into a new nocturnal house. Footfall in 2016 will be significantly increased, as the collection successfully convinces the local council to extend local bus routes to the college on weekends, allowing much easier acccess to the collection.

KNOWSLEY SAFARI PARK will lose a number of animals over the winter, both due to the adverse conditions and escapes subsequent to enclosure damage, but will receive a group of Kordofan Giraffe from South Lakes in the spring. The current hybrid group will move to a new holder in the south.

LAKE DISTRICT WILDLIFE PARK will complete a new and improved enclosure for their Wildebeest, where they will be mixed with Scimitar-Horned Oryx from Chester alongside Grants Zebra and Kafue Lechwe already held within the collection.

LAKELAND WILDLIFE OASIS will obtain a number of species from South Lakes in the spring, including Brush-tailed Bettong and Swamp Wallaby. The collection will unfortunately go out of Fossa, having been unable to obtain a new male.

LINTON ZOOLOGICAL GARDENS will once again have a very successful year breeding a number of species, including the White-collared Lemur. Receiving new individuals from the Durrell import to bolster the population, a handful will be dispersed to other UK collections.

LIVING COASTS will finally manage to obtain further Bank Cormorants, securing the taxon within Europe, along with a second pair of King Eider. The collection will lose Red-legged Kittiwake during the winter, but towards the end of the year will announce the departure of their South American Fur Seal to make way for Sea Otters!

LONGLEAT SAFARI PARK will obtain White Lions from West Midland Safari Park, all of which will die due to inbreeding-related ailments within the year. In an attempt to recoup losses the collection will increase ticket prices still further, and become the most expensive zoo in Europe. The year will end with rumours the collection is looking into obtaining Giant Panda.
 
TeaLovingDave said:
HIGHLAND WILDLIFE PARK will continue to expand and develop, with additions to the animal collection including Alpine Ibex, Dall Sheep, Andean Condor, Mountain Pygmy Possum and - in a surprise move which will meet with much scepticism - Giant Panda!
Click to expand...

About time somewhere in the UK got Alpine ibex, or any ibex!

and - in a surprise move which will meet with much scepticism - A Giant Panda!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top