jbnbsn99
Well-Known Member
A few weeks ago, I decided to take a road trip and visit some of the lesser known, and unjustly forgotten animal establishments that resided in the eastern parts of Texas and central Arkansas. This is a continuation of earlier reviews I have done that can be found elsewhere. Look for previous threads entitled - "What not to do in Gun Barrel City, Texas;" "How Did I End Up in Uncertain, Texas?;" and "Why the F*** Did I Go to Hicksville, AR?"
I had heard of this place from a few friends who assured me that it was one of the best wildlife spots in all of northeast Central Arkansas. I arrived at the BKMZPaG well before they opened the gates at two in the afternoon. The gate keeper begrudgingly let me in as I was dying to get my animal fix for the day on these glorious grounds.
The initial exhibit was a memorial to the town's former glory days as the leader in the manufacturing of ornamental lawn llamas. For those that are unaware, the ornamental lawn llama is an oddity of taste and decoration curious to central Arkansas. No one can really remember the origin of the tradition, and no one really cared to know its origin. Unfortunately, the plant closed down some years prior and dumped their excess of model llamas upon the BKMZPaG. These models included one, very live, and quite angry llama. Bruce, as she was affectionately known, is, to this day, a real piece of work. Her walk-through exhibit, is really more of a run through. Entrance is, of course, mandatory according to my friends who encouraged me to visit. Bruce, surprisingly does not deter most of the locals. In fact, one of the keepers told me that Bruce was used quite often to help train the junior varsity football team. On the day of my visit, the JV team was making their laps through the exhibit. Bruce was over joyed at the hillbilly enrichment, and honestly, who could blame her.
I can't say that the zoo had a zoogeographic theme to it. I also can't say that anyone in the town knew what the term zoogeographic meant. Animals we placed rather haphazardly throughout the park. The free-ranging badgers were a nice touch. I had never seen any form of free-ranging mammal in all of my zoo going days. Unfortunately, because of the badger's constant presence, the bird collection had dwindled over the years. The only exotic bird I could find was a poor cockatoo who had plucked out all of its feathers and yelled random obscenities in Spanish. I thank the kind hearts who took this bird in as a rescue animal. It had obviously had a rough life.
The zoo took great pride in it's cockapoo breeding program, and proudly displayed the SSP symbol on their exhibit. Although, looking back on it, Standard Supply Pine could have been the lumber company that supplied the wood for the fencing.
The Fox Squirrel exhibit was really high class. I could not tell where the barriers were. Invisinet must be run by a warlock of supreme powers. I could say the exact same thing about the exhibits for mallards, northern cardinals, and red-tailed hawks. In fact, I could have sworn that the red-tailed hawks were really soaring against the early September sky. The immersion effect was that good.
Also impressive were the exhibits for common farm animals. I could see children having great fun here. The old horse looked as if it had given many a ride. Her back had a gentle sway to it, and the few tail hairs left had such a glow and sheen to then that I could tell she was well taken care of.
At the back of the zoo was a small shed (or outhouse, I wasn't sure which) which had a rather interesting display entitled Poo of the World. Well, it wasn't really called that, but it was the best name I could come up with. Here are displayed feces of various species from around the world. Let me tell you, Musk Ox dung cannot be beat. In a separate room is a small sampling from a touring collection of “Sawed-Off Shotguns the Police Don't Want Me to Have.” It was really a moving exhibit. The symbolism of desire versus forbidden fruit really hit home to me. What was even more impressive is the correct use of the hyphen in “sawed-off.”
Now that I reflect back on my experiences at the BKMZGaP, I realize how small their real animal collection was. I had to cut my visit short, as some old man in a straw hat kept yelling at me in an odd form of English that I had never heard before. He had taken the time from moving hay to show me his pitchfork. It was a fork of fine quality, and I could tell by the glint of the tines that he kept it well sharpened.
The whole zoo can probably be seen in 17-18 minutes depending on how quickly you can get through the Bruce Experience. With my advanced zoo going technique, I was able to see everything in a record time of 9 minutes, but please be aware that my skills have been honed over years of attend and working at zoos. This was my fastest ever zoo visit. If you plan on visiting the BKMZGaP, please allow at least the 17-18 minutes I recommend.
As I write this, I am still trying to figure out how to pay my fine for trespassing on private property, but that's the least of my worries. The best counsel my lawyer has given me is to use the phrase Woooooooooo, Pig! Sooie! While on the bench. He said that has cleared most of his clients. It's good to have locals who can help you out of sticky situations.
I'll report back as soon as my probation officer allows me access to a computer again. Hopefully, that will be soon.
I had heard of this place from a few friends who assured me that it was one of the best wildlife spots in all of northeast Central Arkansas. I arrived at the BKMZPaG well before they opened the gates at two in the afternoon. The gate keeper begrudgingly let me in as I was dying to get my animal fix for the day on these glorious grounds.
The initial exhibit was a memorial to the town's former glory days as the leader in the manufacturing of ornamental lawn llamas. For those that are unaware, the ornamental lawn llama is an oddity of taste and decoration curious to central Arkansas. No one can really remember the origin of the tradition, and no one really cared to know its origin. Unfortunately, the plant closed down some years prior and dumped their excess of model llamas upon the BKMZPaG. These models included one, very live, and quite angry llama. Bruce, as she was affectionately known, is, to this day, a real piece of work. Her walk-through exhibit, is really more of a run through. Entrance is, of course, mandatory according to my friends who encouraged me to visit. Bruce, surprisingly does not deter most of the locals. In fact, one of the keepers told me that Bruce was used quite often to help train the junior varsity football team. On the day of my visit, the JV team was making their laps through the exhibit. Bruce was over joyed at the hillbilly enrichment, and honestly, who could blame her.
I can't say that the zoo had a zoogeographic theme to it. I also can't say that anyone in the town knew what the term zoogeographic meant. Animals we placed rather haphazardly throughout the park. The free-ranging badgers were a nice touch. I had never seen any form of free-ranging mammal in all of my zoo going days. Unfortunately, because of the badger's constant presence, the bird collection had dwindled over the years. The only exotic bird I could find was a poor cockatoo who had plucked out all of its feathers and yelled random obscenities in Spanish. I thank the kind hearts who took this bird in as a rescue animal. It had obviously had a rough life.
The zoo took great pride in it's cockapoo breeding program, and proudly displayed the SSP symbol on their exhibit. Although, looking back on it, Standard Supply Pine could have been the lumber company that supplied the wood for the fencing.
The Fox Squirrel exhibit was really high class. I could not tell where the barriers were. Invisinet must be run by a warlock of supreme powers. I could say the exact same thing about the exhibits for mallards, northern cardinals, and red-tailed hawks. In fact, I could have sworn that the red-tailed hawks were really soaring against the early September sky. The immersion effect was that good.
Also impressive were the exhibits for common farm animals. I could see children having great fun here. The old horse looked as if it had given many a ride. Her back had a gentle sway to it, and the few tail hairs left had such a glow and sheen to then that I could tell she was well taken care of.
At the back of the zoo was a small shed (or outhouse, I wasn't sure which) which had a rather interesting display entitled Poo of the World. Well, it wasn't really called that, but it was the best name I could come up with. Here are displayed feces of various species from around the world. Let me tell you, Musk Ox dung cannot be beat. In a separate room is a small sampling from a touring collection of “Sawed-Off Shotguns the Police Don't Want Me to Have.” It was really a moving exhibit. The symbolism of desire versus forbidden fruit really hit home to me. What was even more impressive is the correct use of the hyphen in “sawed-off.”
Now that I reflect back on my experiences at the BKMZGaP, I realize how small their real animal collection was. I had to cut my visit short, as some old man in a straw hat kept yelling at me in an odd form of English that I had never heard before. He had taken the time from moving hay to show me his pitchfork. It was a fork of fine quality, and I could tell by the glint of the tines that he kept it well sharpened.
The whole zoo can probably be seen in 17-18 minutes depending on how quickly you can get through the Bruce Experience. With my advanced zoo going technique, I was able to see everything in a record time of 9 minutes, but please be aware that my skills have been honed over years of attend and working at zoos. This was my fastest ever zoo visit. If you plan on visiting the BKMZGaP, please allow at least the 17-18 minutes I recommend.
As I write this, I am still trying to figure out how to pay my fine for trespassing on private property, but that's the least of my worries. The best counsel my lawyer has given me is to use the phrase Woooooooooo, Pig! Sooie! While on the bench. He said that has cleared most of his clients. It's good to have locals who can help you out of sticky situations.
I'll report back as soon as my probation officer allows me access to a computer again. Hopefully, that will be soon.
