Apologies and questions

KevinB

KevinB

Well-Known Member
10+ year member
A good day dear Zoochatters.

I am posting this with regards to the crude anguage I used concerning zoo opponents recently in the Barcelona Zoo news topic, linked below, with regards to the devastating developments there.

Zoo Barcelona - Zoològic de Barcelona News

I continue to feel guilty and frustrated over letting myself go the way I did - so much so that I cancelled the zoo visit I had originally planned for today - and so there's a few things I want to say and ask some advice on. I don't really seem to be able to figure out how to move on from this.

First of all, I did notice that several members, including three members of the staff team, liked the post that called me out on my harsh words and lack of reason and moderation. This has me again worried that I might be or soon find myself in serious trouble - and it would be entirely justified, might I add. I therefore wish to again offer my most sincere apologies for my unthoughtful and very poorly chosen words. I should have known better than to get carried away like this, again.

I am glad however, that people have pointed out my wrongdoing, so that I might very feebly attempt to correct it and prevent future repeats. With regards to that, I have some questions I wish to present to you.

1) How should we comment on and criticize the detractors, opponents and critics of zoos on this forum, without loosing reason or moderation? Are there any official instructions that apply or any guidelines that should be followed?

2) What could or should I do if I want to wish to participate in discussions on controversial topics or subjects that I am strongly opinionated about again at any given time in the future, or should I perhaps better just abstain from doing so ever again?

3) Given that this is not the first incident and that I seem prone to getting carried away and letting myself go at times, should I even continue being a functioning member of this site and participating in discussions?

I am just not sure how and even whether to continue at this point.

I was, at least until recently, working on a photographic overview and a review of another zoological facility. It was however my intention to be rather critical about that facility, so at this point I don't know whether I should continue at all.

I have already decided I should probably at least temporarily abstain from further participation and from posting in the gallery, and I am questioning whether it would perhaps be better if I gave it up and quit.

Any answers and advice are very much welcome.
 
The like button when used to show back up to a perceived reprimand can be somewhat intimidating, but you must avoid taking it too personally.
My advice is to continue posting and accept/ignore the odd criticism or for an easier ride, avoid the heated discussions where passions rise and sides are taken.
I enjoy a lot of your pictures and reviews and would be disappointed if you stopped contributing.
 
Unfortunately I cannot right now see how I can stick around and continue to contribute.

I have done some more thinking and the way I see it now I have made far too many serious errors that I feel really badly about, nor can I guarantee that this will not happen again. As far as I'm concerned the things that have happened are unforgivable and warrant severe permanent consequences.

Therefore I have since made the decision to definitively refrain from all public participation in all zoo-related sites and media. I have decided to never post publicly again nor the ever share any images again. I might and probably will continue to lurk, but there cannot be any public contributions of any form from me ever again from today onwards.

I really wish I could salvage sharing photos from this mess I got myself in, but unfortunately there isn't even a snowball's chance in hell of that being possible.

Obviously this is really not what I want and I feel really lousy about it, but I believe it is the only option I have left at this time. I see no other choice I could make at this time. I wish I could have another chance, but I do not deserve it and it cannot nor will it happen, ever.

This hurts but it has to happen I'm afraid. I hope I will eventually be able to accept this, feel better and move on. Because today I again had the opportunity for a zoo visit and I again cancelled. I just really don't feel like going to the zoo at the moment and my motivation for visits (and photography) is at an all-time low. I hope I can eventually regain some of it and return to zoos, but I am not positive about the chances of that happening. I might very well not even visit a zoo ever again as a result of my own stupidity and lack of common sense. Serves me right I'd say.
 
Last edited:
Dear Kevin,
I don't followed with much detail all the issues related with this thread, but I can't see any unforgivable fault anywhere. I think that autoflagellate yourself and announce your goodbye from all zoo-related sites is by far infinitely worst than any participation that you have had in Barcelona zoo thread.

I supplicate you that please you stay here. You're a very valuable member and I like you. Damn, in fact I liked you (and JigerofLemuria) more when you expressed your views about the anti-animal terrorists!! (=animal right activists). I'm a person who recently rejected an opportunity to travel to Canada because of their cetacean ban. So you can imagine that we share our opinion about these kind of "people". And I guess, that most of not all the Zoochatters too. Just is that the others don't use a passionate style for demonstrate it, but I don't thing this is a so bad thing. Better to avoid it, for sure, but not a thing that make you auto-ban for a place where you are beloved!! If you made a thing that deserves a ban, admins will run with it. If admins didn't is because you DON't deserve it :)
 
I feel kind of awkward offering advice, given that I generally prefer to lurk, and you're welcome to take anything I say with a grain of salt. On that note, if you want to participate in a heated, controversial topic, I would recommend first, taking a step back, take a deep breath, and be sure you're at least mostly calm beforehand. Being emotional isn't a bad thing, it shows you're passionate, and that's a fine thing to be, but it also can skew your judgment and cause you to say things that may be questionable or unhelpful.

Another thing you could do is, while laying out what you want to say, ask yourself, "Am I talking about people, or am I talking about points being made?" You don't have to like the people you're opposing, absolutely not, but it's always better to knock out what is being said and the points being made rather than the people themselves. That's the main issue I noticed with the thread in question, going off the rails of criticizing the flawed reasoning of opponents to the zoo and ending up with aimless carrying on at not even a specific person or thing, but what seemed to me to be an amorphous, speculative strawman. I've found that the less you attack a person's character, the more reasonable you seem to be, the more everyone involved is willing to at least listen, which is beneficial for everyone.

Now, moving away from more technical stuff, I would say, please don't punish yourself over this. I'm not saying that because I agree or disagree with you, I say it because I don't want you suffer the way I make myself suffer at times. It's not healthy, and it's not helpful to anyone. You're clearly someone who is willing to hear criticism and change your behavior, which is what's really important, much more so than self-inflicted repercussions. As everyone else has said, your contributions to this forum are valued, and nobody wants you to leave, of course not. The fact that you're feeling and thinking like this - self-reflecting - tells me that you should stay and you shouldn't feel too bad, though, I know that's easier said than done. Once again, take a deep breath, and practice self-forgiveness. Your photography, your regular contributions, none of that needs to go by the wayside over things you said that very obviously you regret and don't want to repeat. We've all said things we regret, but that shouldn't mean throwing away positive things that we love doing.
 
Today I did some walking in semi-natural and green areas to make use of the unseasonably warm and sunny weather - next best thing to going to the zoo, I guess, and still something I really enjoy - which did help clear my mind a bit, and I had the opportunity to rethink these issues.

While I still believe that I was in the wrong and got carried away in the heat of the moment and so my apologies stand. I however do not think that what I said, however unfortunate and inappropriate, was unforgivable and a reason to continue to berate myself or to punish myself with undue severity and make myself suffer.

I will probably at some point return to contributing, but I do believe that right now a break is in order to look after myself, to reflect on some of my issues and to think of ways to prevent future repeats. I have also decided I probably need to cut back on social media and should probably stay away from some of the places were the more crass/toxic language is used.

I do not feel like I should just simply let this go and return to the order of the day, I believe some careful reflection and some rest and self-care are clearly in order, and so that is what I am going to do before I return to active contributions.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top