Jokes and puns thread
- Thread starter Jambo
- Start date
I am so sorry I posted that last joke. I didn't see that firs post about this being a non-animal joke thread because I was so eager to post the joke.
Why don't zoos keep topes and makos in caves?
Shark Chasm will get you nowhere
Shark Chasm will get you nowhere
What is a bullhead's favourite children's song?
How much is that pogge in the window?
How much is that pogge in the window?
Why has the Ukraine got lots of midges?
They've been deployed by GNATO
They've been deployed by GNATO
Did you know that the Beatles enjoyed tending antelopes?
I fed the gnus today - oh boy!
I fed the gnus today - oh boy!
Which Little Richard song do rails like?
Cooti Frutti
Cooti Frutti
Which Joe Dolce song do ducks like?
Shoveller your Face
Shoveller your Face
What are the favourite singers of flies?
Gnat King Cole and Midge Ure
Gnat King Cole and Midge Ure
How do greylag geese listen to missed calls?
Via their anserphones
Via their anserphones
A mustelid has escaped from the Hemsley Conservation Centre. Staff are trying to attract it by singing the Doris Day song 'Que tayra tayra. Whatever will be will be'.
How do caterpillars get private health care?
They join PUPA
They join PUPA
Why shouldn't you buy a sick harpy?
Because it's illegal
Because it's illegal
Today, President Trump has repeated the mantra "Drill, baby drill"
I didn't know he was interested in monkey conservation
I didn't know he was interested in monkey conservation
Do muskrats enjoy watching the Supervole?
Only if it isn't caught by the Philadelphia Eagles
Only if it isn't caught by the Philadelphia Eagles
Three canid taxonomists walk into a bar, and they sit at a table. They are all friends United by a common interest… but sometimes things can go to pot.
One taxonomist recalls, ‘I was doing a study recently of pathogens within different species of canid!’
“I was doing a study into the populations of different species in the family.”
“I was looking into their reproductive strategies.”
And so all is well, until one asks -
“Say, which species did you use in your study?”
“The only two species native to North America - Canis latrans and Canis lupus.”
“No, no - Canis lycaon and Canis rufus are also native to North America!”
“Canis rufus? You mean Canis lupus rufus, yes?”
“No, you mean Canis latrans EX Canis lupus, yes?”
“There is no Canis lycaon!”
“My opinion overrides yours!”
And so before long a scuffle breaks out between the three taxonomists who can’t seem to agree on anything. Their brawl is so intense it can be heard throughout the whole town - when a friend of theirs, a feline taxonomist, decides to check in on them.
To her surprise, the band of canid taxonomists has all quietened down. One even says to the others, “I agree with your opinion.” One replies, “me too, brother!”
All is well again - until suddenly security arrive!
“I need all of you out of here.”
“But what did we do wrong?” One of them asks.
“You have drunk far too much within a far too short period of time!”
The feline taxonomist retorts, “whatever makes them agree with each other…”
One taxonomist recalls, ‘I was doing a study recently of pathogens within different species of canid!’
“I was doing a study into the populations of different species in the family.”
“I was looking into their reproductive strategies.”
And so all is well, until one asks -
“Say, which species did you use in your study?”
“The only two species native to North America - Canis latrans and Canis lupus.”
“No, no - Canis lycaon and Canis rufus are also native to North America!”
“Canis rufus? You mean Canis lupus rufus, yes?”
“No, you mean Canis latrans EX Canis lupus, yes?”
“There is no Canis lycaon!”
“My opinion overrides yours!”
And so before long a scuffle breaks out between the three taxonomists who can’t seem to agree on anything. Their brawl is so intense it can be heard throughout the whole town - when a friend of theirs, a feline taxonomist, decides to check in on them.
To her surprise, the band of canid taxonomists has all quietened down. One even says to the others, “I agree with your opinion.” One replies, “me too, brother!”
All is well again - until suddenly security arrive!
“I need all of you out of here.”
“But what did we do wrong?” One of them asks.
“You have drunk far too much within a far too short period of time!”
The feline taxonomist retorts, “whatever makes them agree with each other…”