I was 31 and living in Belgium.
I was a Military Policeman at the time assigned to a NATO mission. I was on a special detail that day. The children of some of the Americans attended a local Belgian school and on that day I was assigned to escort the bus from the school to the children’s homes in the surrounding communities.
The bus was driven by a very kind, older Belgian gentleman, who used to speak Dutch to the children. The younger ones actually attended classes with their Belgian peers and were able to converse with him in that language. I was impressed how well the kids had picked the language up.
I have posted elsewhere of my linguistic adventures among the folks of Belgium and the Netherlands and am in genuine awe regarding their multilingualism. I would try to impress the driver, he reminded me of my Grandfather who was in declining health back in Florida, with my “command” of his language.
We arrived at one house that was home to two small girls on the bus. Their mother was in the house laid up a broken leg. Knowing she would be unable to meet the girls out on the street, I walked with them down the ally to their door.
I was surprised to see their mother meet us on the stoop. She open the door and waved at her girls to go inside. She then told me that they (who?) had flown two planes into the World Trade Center in New York. So my first word of the event and I knew it was a terrorist act. Intentionally done.
I went back to the bus and as the driver opened the door, before I boarded, I told him that two planes had hit the twin towers in New York. I spoke in English and he clearly did not understand me. I gestured and made a *boom* noise and said “Grote bomb, big bomb, oorlog in New York. In America. Oorlog.” He smiled hesitantly and nodded. He didn’t understand or know what I was saying. I don’t speak Dutch and I have the stories to prove it.
We dropped the last couple kids at their homes and returned to the base. Security was visibly tighter and the driver looked back at me and I said “yeah. Oorlog. War.” Once through the gate he let me off and I ran down to the American compound, and the Security section. I passed a young lady who worked with us and she yelled to me that they hit the Pentagon. I know then that it was going to be a very long night.
When I next saw the bus driver, a few days later, he looked me in the eye and shook his head sadly.
I got to the Security building and headed down to my office (I was the training sergeant and oversaw the armory as well). My guys were standing by as the word was sent out to our off duty personnel to return to work.
The television in the training room was on and the Armed Forces Network channels were all playing American news programming. The towers were still burning.
I had lived in the Hudson Valley about 40 miles north of the city in my early teens and much of my family did (and still does) live in Naugatuck valley in Connecticut. I was very familiar with New York City. My father had actually been born in raised in Manhattan by his Irish immigrant parents. How New York is that?
I knew the city and I was part of culture of the city and the tri-state area. Once when I was 14, my Boy Scout Troop actually camped out in the observation deck of the World Trade Center. I remember we were all pretty disappointed when we learned we would not actually be camping on the open roof.
So I watched, as we waited, the towers burn. A good friend of mine, we’d been stationed together in Boston in the late ‘80’s…he is now a police officer in north Florida…in the same department as my brother believe it or not…was watching too. People in the room were talking about what was happening. On the screen, a newscaster was back in view.
The view cut away from the newscaster and back to the towers. Great columns of smoke filled the screen and my friend said “something just happened that’s different.” I watched the screen and I said to him, “the tower just collapsed.” In a minute or two it was confirmed.
As the off-duty personnel returned to base we worked a posting plan and begin arming them, while our commander coordinated with the Belgian commander regarding our Security posture.
Those of you who have served in the military (any military) are likely familiar with the term “hurry up and wait.” So as the hallway filled up with young Americans wondering what they were going to do next, word was received about Flight 93 and how it hit the ground in a field in Pennsylvania. Speculation of what happened began and I just knew, and I said, “the passengers brought it down.” I knew that’s what had happened.
The next few days are less clear. Long hours, little sleep. Genuine kindness from our Belgian and Dutch neighbors and colleagues. Obviously it was not the same for them. But they were very kind as they watched Americans going through something…well…something that doesn’t happen to Americans.
That’s what we all felt then.
And you could tell some folks were nearly as apprehensive about what we Americans might do in response. I understood that too and cared not one bit.
And I knew many of them were ready to join us…I do not suffer the American conceit of believing people in other countries are monolithic in their opinions and values. These were real people. Some were angry, some were scared, I even met a few who were thrilled…but almost all, even those who could sympathize with the motives of those worthless, foul, and evil men, were very kind.
Not long after that, a week or so, I was driving the Highway from Weert down to Heerlen…and my drive coincided with a day the Dutch (all of Europe I believe) had set aside to observe a moment of silence for those victims in New York, Virginia, and Pennsylvania.
As I drove south, in my conspicuous American car, I noticed motorists on both sides of the highway, pull over and stand outside their cars. I knew that is was arrogant of me…maybe even disrespectful and distracting from what was happening…but I didn’t pull over. As hundreds of Netherlanders stood on that Highway…I drove and not for the first time in those weeks, my eyes flooded with tears.
I don’t know if the right word for me to use is love. But in the moment, I felt the Dutch expressing their love for us…for my people. My country. It was overwhelming. Just me driving while they stood…that one small selfish thing…maybe a sign their expressions of sympathy and respect were undeserved by us or me.
That’s what we all felt then.
In that darkest time. When our faces still burned with the sting of the hate directed at us…our friends and our allies stood up. Their hands on our shoulders. Canadians, Brits, the Irish, I’d meet. The English…they were like big brothers…ready to pick you up and push you back into it. Bracing you. The Belgians, Dutch, and Germans I worked with in Europe. The Koreans, Spanish, French and Romanians in Central Asia. As well as our hosts. The Turks and the Russians we crossed paths with. It’s not universal…but nearly so. Just the kindness of so many people.
I remember that more than almost anything else.
About four weeks later, my grandfather died and I was able to secure a week’s leave to return to Connecticut where he was to be buried. I flew into Newark. I saw the hole in the New York skyline. I caught a quick transfer to Hartford and then to my family.
They were obviously interested in what I thought would happen next. My uncle’s wife, who was born and raised in Dublin, Ireland, who was not yet an American citizen, but who was the mother of two young American boys (8 and 6) at the time, asked if I thought there would be a draft. I said “no, it’s better with volunteers. I guess if it’s still going on when your sons are 18, maybe…”. Her sons were 28 and 26 last month.
“Do you think it will last that long?” “I don’t know…this is going to big. We’ve been in Europe 60 years. We’ve been tied up in the Gulf for ten. The Russians were there for 12.” My uncle asked if I thought we’d win. I said, “yeah…I mean we basically are about to whack a hornets nest, we are going to stung, but yeah..we’re gonna kill them. Until we decide to leave.”
My brother was was there from his posting in California. He was also on active duty. Home for my grandfather’s funeral. His oldest son was 12 that year. His son served in Afghanistan with the Marines in 2009.
My brother and I were in uniform for my grandfathers funeral and I gave the eulogy for the grandchildren. Some of you may know the tune “Taps”. It’s often played at the funerals of fallen soldiers. It’s not exclusive to that purpose. If you have ever lived on a American military base you might know that it is often played on the loudspeakers very late in the evening. 2100 or 2200 hours is most common.
As I spoke that October about trying to live up to the example and the values of my grandfather. My brother joined me and we spoke how in our military service, my grandfather’s example in the manner in which he lived in his life…was a touchstone for us. When our day would call for integrity or kindness or respect. Service. We would look to our grandfather’s example.
And I then talked about Taps and what it meant…not just what it means as a lament for the fallen (which was what it mean to us that night), but that it is also an assurance when those mournful tones fill the dark night…where often the only one that hears them is a Sentry, a Security Forces member, or a Military Policeman on some lonely post.
The assurance of those sad and somber notes, in that context, is the assurance that all is well, and to rest, because in that dark night someone is on post and watching over us. And will continue to do so…until our world is a better place.
When we remember the dead we celebrate ourselves. Wether we are driving down a Dutch highway lined with the silent citizens of that beautiful little country taking time just to be thoughtful…or standing in a church singing the words that hardly anyone knows accompanies a tune that lays our dead to rest. Or writing all of this with two thumbs and remembering everything like it was yesterday. Like it was last month. And the feelings of shame and sadness and lament and fear are still there. The undeserved relief and all the regrets of fate and consequence.
But more than anything I remember the love on that bright, blue, horrible day and during the ones that followed. Only love can save us.
I’ve taken up a lot your time if you’ve read this. It’s probably rife with typos. And if I’ve learned anything on this page, it’s that not many of you agree with me very often. I have probably written disagreeable things here as well…but on that day, which even now does not seem to have fully closed…this is what I felt.