I think we should be told
Prophecy is a funny business
I was reminded of this recently when I reread a piece written for The Observer by the great Michael Frayn; I keep two old and treasured paperback collections of them to make me laugh in the smallest room. Mr Frayn speculated about the methods that Harold Wilson and Lyndon Johnson might have used when they discussed the future of Anglo-American relations (I did say it was old). He rather hoped that they chose gyromancy or geloscopy as their techniques for divination: these are, as you may have forgotten, ways of making prophecies by dancing until you are dizzy or by laughing hysterically.
This made me wonder how TLD made his predictions. We all know that ZooChat moderators are chosen for their superpowers, like the all-seeing Chli. We also know that Dave has an intimate knowledge of both mustelid taxonomy and the Byzantine complexities of Byzantine history, but who knew that he can also foretell the future? How does he do it?
I am afraid I cannot believe his claim that he simply sticks his tongue in his cheek. My detailed research (typing 'divination' into Wikipedia and clicking on 'methods') revealed 369 named techniques – none of which involve tongue/cheek proximity.
The obvious answer is phyllomancy, prediction using leaves, and more specifically tasseography (also called tasseomancy) using tea leaves. However I wonder if this is feasible for such large scale prediction production. I think many gallons of PG Tips would be needed and it would be hard to interpret the patterns made by hundreds of thousands of tiny leaf fragments. The larger leaves of a nice Earl Grey might be a better choice, particularly as all the bergamot fumes might provide some extra stimulation. Perhaps industrial scale prophecy would be easier using heavy duty hardware like a crystal ball for crystallomancy or an adder stone for lithomancy.
Alternatively Dave might have been inspired by the rich heritage of Northumbria, the home of the animal loving St Cuthbert and St Bede (promoted to the Premier League after many centuries of being merely Venerable) who could be invoked for hagiomancy. On the other hand, ever since the Viking raided Lindisfarne, the Norse influence has been strong there too; so perhaps TLD has been casting runes, a form of cleromancy.
But I think that he probably chose a method that involves observing animals. A classical choice would be haruspicy, studying the internal organs of sacrificed animals. I became slightly suspicious when I realised that Dave had not added the phrase 'no animals were harmed in the making of these predictions', but I can't believe he would ever use this method. The other great classical method is augury, prediction by observing the flight of birds. Unfortunately the famous seabirds of Northumbria are mostly out at sea now, making augury very laborious as searching the skies for hours might still not produce a statistically valid sample. Winter weather would make myrmomancy difficult too as no self-respecting ant is very active now, even in this mild season. Melomancy, prediction by observing moles, looked more promising initially, but Wikipedia is ambiguous – are these moles fossorial or cutaneous? This nagging doubt has undermined my trust in melomancy.
Finally the word ailuromancy struck my eye – that must be a joke, I thought, prophecies based on the behaviour of pandas have caused Edinburgh Zoo no end of disappointment: but it's also called felidomancy because it's actually based on cats, which exposes my ignorance of Greek. I think this is the most plausible answer, but am I right? Has TLD been catwatching? I think we should be told
Alan
I know TLD won't mind my pulling his leg, but I will post a Christmas present for him in the Gallery tomorrow to compensate.
Prophecy is a funny business
I was reminded of this recently when I reread a piece written for The Observer by the great Michael Frayn; I keep two old and treasured paperback collections of them to make me laugh in the smallest room. Mr Frayn speculated about the methods that Harold Wilson and Lyndon Johnson might have used when they discussed the future of Anglo-American relations (I did say it was old). He rather hoped that they chose gyromancy or geloscopy as their techniques for divination: these are, as you may have forgotten, ways of making prophecies by dancing until you are dizzy or by laughing hysterically.
This made me wonder how TLD made his predictions. We all know that ZooChat moderators are chosen for their superpowers, like the all-seeing Chli. We also know that Dave has an intimate knowledge of both mustelid taxonomy and the Byzantine complexities of Byzantine history, but who knew that he can also foretell the future? How does he do it?
I am afraid I cannot believe his claim that he simply sticks his tongue in his cheek. My detailed research (typing 'divination' into Wikipedia and clicking on 'methods') revealed 369 named techniques – none of which involve tongue/cheek proximity.
The obvious answer is phyllomancy, prediction using leaves, and more specifically tasseography (also called tasseomancy) using tea leaves. However I wonder if this is feasible for such large scale prediction production. I think many gallons of PG Tips would be needed and it would be hard to interpret the patterns made by hundreds of thousands of tiny leaf fragments. The larger leaves of a nice Earl Grey might be a better choice, particularly as all the bergamot fumes might provide some extra stimulation. Perhaps industrial scale prophecy would be easier using heavy duty hardware like a crystal ball for crystallomancy or an adder stone for lithomancy.
Alternatively Dave might have been inspired by the rich heritage of Northumbria, the home of the animal loving St Cuthbert and St Bede (promoted to the Premier League after many centuries of being merely Venerable) who could be invoked for hagiomancy. On the other hand, ever since the Viking raided Lindisfarne, the Norse influence has been strong there too; so perhaps TLD has been casting runes, a form of cleromancy.
But I think that he probably chose a method that involves observing animals. A classical choice would be haruspicy, studying the internal organs of sacrificed animals. I became slightly suspicious when I realised that Dave had not added the phrase 'no animals were harmed in the making of these predictions', but I can't believe he would ever use this method. The other great classical method is augury, prediction by observing the flight of birds. Unfortunately the famous seabirds of Northumbria are mostly out at sea now, making augury very laborious as searching the skies for hours might still not produce a statistically valid sample. Winter weather would make myrmomancy difficult too as no self-respecting ant is very active now, even in this mild season. Melomancy, prediction by observing moles, looked more promising initially, but Wikipedia is ambiguous – are these moles fossorial or cutaneous? This nagging doubt has undermined my trust in melomancy.
Finally the word ailuromancy struck my eye – that must be a joke, I thought, prophecies based on the behaviour of pandas have caused Edinburgh Zoo no end of disappointment: but it's also called felidomancy because it's actually based on cats, which exposes my ignorance of Greek. I think this is the most plausible answer, but am I right? Has TLD been catwatching? I think we should be told
Alan
I know TLD won't mind my pulling his leg, but I will post a Christmas present for him in the Gallery tomorrow to compensate.
if drinking tea gave me precognitive powers I suspect I would have needed to tread a lot more carefully to avoid letting anything *too* sensitive slip!
