The old ones are the best!
Zoo Jokes
- Thread starter okapikpr
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The old ones are the best!
This is not really a joke; in fact, it is a true story:-
When Jack Throp, former director of Honolulu Zoo was appointed director of Taronga Zoo, Sydney, he called together the senior staff at Taronga, introduced himself and requested that they take off their shoes and put them in a pile. Puzzled, they did so.
Jack then took off his shoes and put them on top of the pile. "Now you know where I stand," he told them.
When Jack Throp, former director of Honolulu Zoo was appointed director of Taronga Zoo, Sydney, he called together the senior staff at Taronga, introduced himself and requested that they take off their shoes and put them in a pile. Puzzled, they did so.
Jack then took off his shoes and put them on top of the pile. "Now you know where I stand," he told them.
dragon(ele)nerd
Well-Known Member
Yeah, maybe it will become a regular, a joke ( based-on-a true-event) anyway, many jokes are based on true accounts, just modified over time.
Due to the credit crunch the local mine shut down and the dwarf had to get a new job. Times were hard and the dwarf tried everywhere - finally he gets to the zoo.
"We've had a bad case of avian flu and all the penguins have died," said the zoo keeper. "As they are our biggest attraction, I need you to dress up as a penguin and pretend to be one all day. It pays $50 and all the fish you can eat."
Well that's not too bad, thinks the dwarf, so the next day he is their flapping about and swimming and eating fish. "Not a great job, but hey, we've all had worse," he says to himself..
A few weeks later some local kids are visiting and decide to have some fun - by throwing a penguin into the Lion's den. So they pick up the dwarf despite him flapping his little wings and chuck him over the fence.
He looks around and sees a huge lion approaching... its crawling up on him until he sees the whites of his eyes. In panic the dwarf shrieks, "LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, I'M NOT REALLY A PENGUIN - I AM A DWARF IN A PENGUIN SUIT!"
"Shut up or you'll get us both sacked!" says the lion.
"We've had a bad case of avian flu and all the penguins have died," said the zoo keeper. "As they are our biggest attraction, I need you to dress up as a penguin and pretend to be one all day. It pays $50 and all the fish you can eat."
Well that's not too bad, thinks the dwarf, so the next day he is their flapping about and swimming and eating fish. "Not a great job, but hey, we've all had worse," he says to himself..
A few weeks later some local kids are visiting and decide to have some fun - by throwing a penguin into the Lion's den. So they pick up the dwarf despite him flapping his little wings and chuck him over the fence.
He looks around and sees a huge lion approaching... its crawling up on him until he sees the whites of his eyes. In panic the dwarf shrieks, "LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, I'M NOT REALLY A PENGUIN - I AM A DWARF IN A PENGUIN SUIT!"
"Shut up or you'll get us both sacked!" says the lion.
Sun Wukong
Well-Known Member
There's an old zoo joke I have heard in various versions, but I'm not sure whether it is too "r-rated" for this forum. If so, please feel free to delete it.
"A mother and her toddler are watching the rhinos in the zoo. One male is clearly sexually aroused. The toddler, with the typical curiosity of that age, pointing at the erection, asks the mother: "What is this?" The blushing mother: "Th..that's nothing, dear." A zookeeper, having overheard this, laconically remarks to his colleague: 'Missus surely's spoiled...' "
"A mother and her toddler are watching the rhinos in the zoo. One male is clearly sexually aroused. The toddler, with the typical curiosity of that age, pointing at the erection, asks the mother: "What is this?" The blushing mother: "Th..that's nothing, dear." A zookeeper, having overheard this, laconically remarks to his colleague: 'Missus surely's spoiled...' "
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taun
Well-Known Member
On a similar line:
A couple is visiting a zoo. Man noticed, that gorilla looked interested when wind blew woman's skirt. He says:
'Show him a bit more!'
Woman thinks, that may be fun, and shows gorilla her leg again. Gorilla jumps in excitement.
'Come on' - says the man - 'Show him some more!'
The woman looks around and puts hand in her cleavage. Gorilla hoots and starts swinging on the bars.
'Come on' - says the man - 'Show him some more!'
The woman looks around, opens her shirt and shows to the gorilla.
Gorilla is jumping all over the cage, breaking branches, moving rocks around. Then the man opens the cage, pushes the woman in and closes the door.
And says: 'And how tell him: Honey, I got a headache today!'.
A couple is visiting a zoo. Man noticed, that gorilla looked interested when wind blew woman's skirt. He says:
'Show him a bit more!'
Woman thinks, that may be fun, and shows gorilla her leg again. Gorilla jumps in excitement.
'Come on' - says the man - 'Show him some more!'
The woman looks around and puts hand in her cleavage. Gorilla hoots and starts swinging on the bars.
'Come on' - says the man - 'Show him some more!'
The woman looks around, opens her shirt and shows to the gorilla.
Gorilla is jumping all over the cage, breaking branches, moving rocks around. Then the man opens the cage, pushes the woman in and closes the door.
And says: 'And how tell him: Honey, I got a headache today!'.
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Pootle
Well-Known Member
Hopefully this is just about acceptable....if not then just delete it mods.
This guy goes to the zoo one day, whilst standing in front of the gorillas exhibit a gust of wind sweeps some dust into his eye, as he rubs his eyelid the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, jumped out and beat the guy senseless. When he guy came round to his senses he found a keeper and reported the incident. Nodding in sympathy the keeper explained that pulling down your eye lid in gorilla language means ‘F... You’. This explanation didn’t make the victim feel any happier and he vowed revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats and two party horns and one large sausage. Putting the sausage in his trousers he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorillas exhibit where he tossed a hat a knife and a horn. Knowing that gorillas are natural mimics he put on the party hat. The gorilla looked him, looked at the hat and put it on. Next he picked up his horn and blew on it, the gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. The man then picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man and pulled down his eyelid.
This guy goes to the zoo one day, whilst standing in front of the gorillas exhibit a gust of wind sweeps some dust into his eye, as he rubs his eyelid the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, jumped out and beat the guy senseless. When he guy came round to his senses he found a keeper and reported the incident. Nodding in sympathy the keeper explained that pulling down your eye lid in gorilla language means ‘F... You’. This explanation didn’t make the victim feel any happier and he vowed revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats and two party horns and one large sausage. Putting the sausage in his trousers he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorillas exhibit where he tossed a hat a knife and a horn. Knowing that gorillas are natural mimics he put on the party hat. The gorilla looked him, looked at the hat and put it on. Next he picked up his horn and blew on it, the gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. The man then picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man and pulled down his eyelid.
at the zoo I worked at, I misunderstood when the curator said "ground squirrel". They don't have squirrels any more.
Too funny - one of the best I've heard!
zoospud
Well-Known Member
Okay here goes one that made me think and smile: -
< One day the zookeeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”? “Well,” said the orangutan, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.” >
< One day the zookeeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”? “Well,” said the orangutan, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.” >