Movie review rant 2013

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this is a pretty funny Jurassic Park trailer video:
 
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Water for Elephants

I wanted to avoid watching this movie ever since that video came out claiming the elephant from it came from that company that beated their elephants. I decided to watch it to see if it had any value to it. The plot was predictable and it reminded me of a combination between Titanic and Moulin Rouge. The elephant abuse scene was horrible to watch. Despite the gruelsome act being heard and not seen, there were still times where you saw one of the actors jabbing at the elephant. It may have had a soft covering on the hook that we couldn't see, but jabbing is still jabbing! It almost seems like a perfect movie for PETA to have a field day. Elephants exploited for entertainment values, abuse going on behind the scenes, small confinement, and *SPOILER* .................................... an elephant killing one of its trainers. I was in awe seeing the elephant and almost wish the movie focused more on her. The two leads were going to run off with each other, but that also means they would have left the poor elephant behind with the enraged villian.

I am glad I did not pay to see it in the movie theaters and rented it at my library.
 
Chlidonias said:
I just saw this yesterday and I loved it. In fact I think I liked it more than the LoTR movies. I'd probably give it 8 out of 10. I don't like Gollum but the guessing game scene was the best in the movie. I did have a few problems with the movie, which taken collectively will no doubt make it sound like I hated it all, but never mind.

The worst thing about it was that many scenes were just plain silly, and there were some very misplaced attempts at humour (e.g. the death of the Great Goblin). Peter Jackson basically started reverting back to his earlier type of movies, whereas he held that mostly in check for the LoTR trilogy.

The CGI wasn't great. It was good, but not on the level of the LoTR movies. Many scenes just made you think "that's some bad CGI there" instead of being able to believe it was real.

The dwarves were too "un-dwarf-like". Some of them looked like dwarves, but several (especially Thorin, and Kili and Fili) just looked like regular humans dressed in dwarf clothes.

I didn't mind the singing near the start but the party tricks while clearing the dishes was too Mary Poppins and shouldn't have been in there.

Still, a fantastic movie and I definitely don't think it was too long and boring as zooboy28 did! In fact when it ended I wanted it to keep going. I just hope that in the next movie the CGI for Smaug is better than what you saw at the end of this one....
has anyone else seen the new trailer for the second part of The Hobbit? Looks like there is still going to be a lot of the stuff I complained about from the first movie, including silly scenes and bad CGI. Wait for the appearance of Smaug at the end. It looks like they got a child to draw it on the screen with crayon. Really awful CGI :(


 
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has anyone else seen the new trailer for the second part of The Hobbit? Looks like there is still going to be a lot of the stuff I complained about from the first movie, including silly scenes and bad CGI. Wait for the appearance of Smaug at the end. It looks like they got a child to draw it on the screen with crayon. Really awful CGI :(

Maybe it will be better at the movies in December. I hope so cos that does look quite bad, especially Smaug.
 
This is the End is fantastic

9.5/10 (would be a legit 10/10 had Paul Rudd been in it, it only really lacked a "straight" guy)
 
Chlidonias said:
the Die Hard movies have got worse and worse. The first one was fantastic edge-of-your-seat action-movie-brilliance. The second one was very good too but not as good as the first. The third one was dreadful (I have heard they actually used a modified script which was originally supposed to be Lethal Weapon 4, and that's why Samuel L Jackson is in it [in the Danny Glover role]). The fourth was...I mean, seriously? - a comedy sidekick??!

The latest installment isn't too bad though. Not anywhere near the level of the first one or even the second one, but certainly above the third and fourth ones so that's something.

The main problem I have with the later Die Hard movies is that they basically turned McClane into a superhero. In the first two movies he was just a guy in the wrong place at the wrong time (see what I did there?), thinking on the run and doing what he had to do. In the later movies he was apparently indestructable. I guess even the Laws of Physics don't want to mess with John McClane!!

I wouldn't rate Die Hard 5 as a 10 out of 10. Maybe a 7, and that's only because it's so much better than movie number 4. I'm still trying to get the stupidity of the "destroying a helicopter with a car" out of my head.
I watched Die Hard 4.0 again last night, on tv, and it actually wasn't that bad after all. I still have problems with the three stupidest moments in the film though (using a car to destroy a helicopter; the truck vs harrier jet piloted by the absolute worst shot in history!; and why the heck is all the gas on fire as it is going through the pipes?!?!). Also John McClane seems to enjoy murdering people just a liittttttle bit too much.

Overall its pretty good rewatching it. I might have to say it was better than number 5 now. Faint praise indeed!!
 
I watched Die Hard 4.0 again last night, on tv, and it actually wasn't that bad after all. I still have problems with the three stupidest moments in the film though (using a car to destroy a helicopter; the truck vs harrier jet piloted by the absolute worst shot in history!; and why the heck is all the gas on fire as it is going through the pipes?!?!). Also John McClane seems to enjoy murdering people just a liittttttle bit too much.

Overall its pretty good rewatching it. I might have to say it was better than number 5 now. Faint praise indeed!!

I must correct you here: that was an F-35 Lightning. It is/was a part of the Joint Strike Fighter program of which USA, Australia, Norway, UK and a few other countries were contributors. In Australia, we call it the JSF.

Anyway, it has 'short take off and landing' capabilities which are similar to the Harrier so that was a fair mistake. This was the aircraft's debut in a movie, and it should be noted that the hovering ability is extremely exaggerated - they make it as agile as an alien space ship!! :D

My favourite JSF memory is this: I went to a conference once and there was an American General presenting. He said "I wish we had this aircraft when we were doing God's work in Iraq". :rolleyes:
 
I must correct you here: that was an F-35 Lightning. It is/was a part of the Joint Strike Fighter program of which USA, Australia, Norway, UK and a few other countries were contributors. In Australia, we call it the JSF.

Anyway, it has 'short take off and landing' capabilities which are similar to the Harrier so that was a fair mistake. This was the aircraft's debut in a movie, and it should be noted that the hovering ability is extremely exaggerated - they make it as agile as an alien space ship!! :D
before I posted I actually checked if it was a harrier because I knew if I said it was a harrier and it wasn't then "somebody" would pull a Chlidonias and correct me. So I googled it and found out it was an F35 but I also gathered it was a harrier (that is, a harrier of the model F35, because that is what the sites seemed to be saying). So I just went ahead and put harrier jet. Obviously I know nothing about aircraft. I thought harriers were a type of aircraft with different models; is that not the case? (From your post above I am guessing that a harrier jet is the name of a specific aircraft).
 
before I posted I actually checked if it was a harrier because I knew if I said it was a harrier and it wasn't then "somebody" would pull a Chlidonias and correct me. So I googled it and found out it was an F35 but I also gathered it was a harrier (that is, a harrier of the model F35, because that is what the sites seemed to be saying). So I just went ahead and put harrier jet. Obviously I know nothing about aircraft. I thought harriers were a type of aircraft with different models; is that not the case? (From your post above I am guessing that a harrier jet is the name of a specific aircraft).

The Harrier is a British jet from the 80s that is now being replaced by the F35. Although there are a few variants of the Harrier, the term is usually reserved for just the British Harrier jump jet, and is not used in reference to the F35.

I am no aircraft expert either but I have an F35 lapel pin, so I thought that I would read up on it to have an educated response when asked "Cool pin. What kind of plane is it?" :D
 
Now please explain to me how the most sophisticated fighter jet can't shoot an 18-wheeler.

 
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that video clip misses out all the preceding bit where the F35 is firing its missile dealies at the truck and continually missing!! Maybe the pilot's glasses got fogged up in all the terrorist excitement so he couldn't see properly.
 
that video clip misses out all the preceding bit where the F35 is firing its missile dealies at the truck and continually missing!! Maybe the pilot's glasses got fogged up in all the terrorist excitement so he couldn't see properly.

Ah yes. Good point.

I need to write a review of Fast and Furious 6. Top top flick.
 
How long is the runway in Fast & Furious 6?

Action movie Fast & Furious 6 has been a huge global success - but it would take a very long runway to make one climatic scene a reality, finds Ben Carter.

Read more:
BBC News - How long is the runway in Fast & Furious 6?
see also here (on one of my favourite sites): Fast and Furious 6: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room

I may go see this movie today because it is its last screening in Hokitika. But I know its stupidity will just make me angry enough to go punch a handicapped puppy in the face. Hard decision to make.
 
that video clip misses out all the preceding bit where the F35 is firing its missile dealies at the truck and continually missing!! Maybe the pilot's glasses got fogged up in all the terrorist excitement so he couldn't see properly.

It was the glare reflected off of Bruce Willis's head that blinded the pilot.
 
see also here (on one of my favourite sites): Fast and Furious 6: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room

I may go see this movie today because it is its last screening in Hokitika. But I know its stupidity will just make me angry enough to go punch a handicapped puppy in the face. Hard decision to make.

I can't wait to read your review. I am a huge Fast and Furious fan, but I leave the rational part of my brain outside the theatre before any F&F movies. ;)

David, you're late to the party. :D Speaking of which, has anyone seen 'The Intern' yet? It looks to be a funny movie. I wonder if those guys are acting the same roles as they did in 'Wedding Crashers'? :confused:
 
Okay, so I did go see Fast And Furious 6. I was actually embarrassed buying the ticket. I'd seen about half of one of the previous movies (the one in Brazil) on tv a while ago so I was already informed of the content of the movie, i.e. fast cars and furious something something. I don't know.

Anyway, it's pretty much a live-action cartoon. There's not really any attempt at reality which makes it all right. Not good, but at least not a Simon Sez type of action movie. They apparently don't have physics and such lame-ass things in the Fast and Furious universe, which is lucky when you're jumping off bridges onto moving cars or flipping tanks with a Mustang. So long as you're not the sort of person who complains that Wile E. Coyote should have suffered serious brain trauma from being hit with that anvil then you'll be fine.

It was certainly amusing watching Vin Diesel standing next to the Rock, trying to still look big and muscly. Na-ah, you're standing next to the Rock, fella. And another thing, tell me again why Vin Diesel is a star? You can't understand what he's saying and his head looks like a potato! And not one of those good-looking potatoes either.

What I didn't like, in particular (because of course I am one of those people who complain that Wile E. Coyote should have suffered serious brain trauma from being hit with that anvil):

1) It's a movie about racing. The opening scene is of two CGI cars racing around a windy cliff-top road! CGI, goddamit! Get some real driving! And then later there was a chase scene in a tunnel, where the footage was sped-up to make it look faster and more dangerous, and even that one included CGI. If I had bought any jaffas I would have thrown them at the screen in disgust, but I'm too cheap.

2) There were two hot girls in the movie. Both of them died. That left Michelle Rodriguez. Seriously?! However I did appreciate that the movie-makers realised that Michelle Rodriguez could in no way (even in the physics-free Fast and Furious universe) win in a fight to the death with Gina Carano, so they had her cheat in order to kill her. But, contrasting that, the reveal of Gina Carano being a mole was completely pointless! And in retrospect it called into question why the fight with Michelle Rodriguez had even taken place earlier in the subway -- they were both on the same side at that point!

What I did like:

1) Gina Carano

2) Gal Gadot

3) cameo by Jason Statham. There were just four other people in the movie theatre. Two of them I think were homeless people trying to keep warm. But anyway, when Statham appeared one of them went "Yee-aah!", and yes that sounded as retarded in real life as it looks written down.

If I was to rate this movie I would give it a.....2. Out of 10. It was actually kind of boring come to think of it. I did like the runway action scene at the end, and (honestly) I didn't even notice how long it would have needed to be.



Oh, also, big SPOILER! Vin Diesel's character is a T-1000!? What the heck!
 
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