Movie review rant 2014

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I'll see if I can write some little reviews here of movies I have seen lately. The place I stayed in Melbourne had a good selection of DVDs (I watched the first four Die Hards all in a row), and I've seen some since back in NZ. I don't think I have seen a movie in the theatre since the second Hobbit movie in Malaysia (reviewed many pages back).

RED
I saw this in Melbourne and then again today. I haven't seen RED 2 yet. RED was a great romp. Comparisons to The Expendables are inevitable given the basic cast consisting of old movie stars but it is like comparing, say, pork chops to giblets. RED is a fun comedic action movie playing on how the characters actually are retired but still lethal. The Expendables was a movie trying waaay too hard to pretend the characters aren't retired and doubly fouling it up by taking itself waaay to seriously, which was a huge mistake. Bruce Willis makes a great action star, but as he has aged he has resorted to basing his characters around smirking and murdering. He is now much better as a comedy action actor, which he does exceedingly well in RED. Helen Mirren is all class, John Malkovich is crazy as a alley-cat (so, no acting there then). If I was going to give a rating, it would be high. I definitely want to see RED 2.


Stardust
This is the sort of movie where you either like the style (whimsical fantasy) or you don't. I do, so I loved it. Claire Danes is beautiful, which I didn't get from Terminator 3 many years previously. It sort of reminds me of The Princess Bride in the tone and setting. In fact if you like that movie then you'll like Stardust.


John Carter
A bit of a shaky start and I went into it not even expecting to like it, but it turned out to be a fun (but silly) story after all and the CGI was good. The bouncing around in the lower atmosphere got old real quick though, and there was a certain amount of "most recent Star Wars movies" which did not appeal.


Ted
I wasn't sure I'd like this but I did. Mark Wahlberg is a good actor (and twenty years ago I would have bet good money I would never be writing that sentence!), Mila Kunis is alright (I don't like her and her voice is like a rusty knife through my brain, but she generally does an adequate job), and the teddy bear dies so that was good. I think the movie tried a bit hard to be edgy yet at the same time is reigning itself in to avoid a restricted rating. Not the best mix.


Goodbye Pork Pie
I haven't seen this in years and although a classic NZ movie it is, um, kind of all over the show without really having a proper focus on where it's going. I wouldn't recommend it as a movie to seek out.


Sleepy Hollow
The movie, not the series. The one with Johnny Depp as Ichabod Crane. It's quite good, although Ichabod does somewhat resemble a blade-less Edward Scissorhands. And while I quite like Christina Ricci, she should not try to play adults! She just looks like a little kid in dress-up. Christopher Walken makes a good insane horseman, but that goes without saying. It's Christopher Walken!
 
Stardust
This is the sort of movie where you either like the style (whimsical fantasy) or you don't. I do, so I loved it. Claire Danes is beautiful, which I didn't get from Terminator 3 many years previously. It sort of reminds me of The Princess Bride in the tone and setting. In fact if you like that movie then you'll like Stardust.

This is one of my favourite movies. Its just so fun. It is definitely a similar feeling to the Princess Bride.
 
oh, also I really like Michelle Pfeiffer who is one of the witches in Stardust and is still really hot even now at whatever age she is.
 
some more movies I remembered I have seen recently:

Dredd
I really liked the Judge Dredd movie of Sylvester Stallone. It is a long time since I have seen it so it may in fact have been a terrible movie but I hope to God that it wasn't as bad as this rendition. Some actors can pull off this sort of character without seeming like a complete drop-kick -- Stallone and Schwarzenegger do these characters brilliantly -- but Karl Urban cannot. It was just embarrassing watching him snarling his way through the movie, and the air-head partner he had did not help at all.


Jack Reacher
Hix and Zooboy28 both made mention of this movie earlier in the thread, with comment on how it had a great plot and script. I disagree. I did like the movie, but the plot was just so hackneyed and predictable, and it was made worse by the way the movie acted as if it was completely original. Tom Cruise is good in this sort of role so no complaints there. Interesting use of threats also (e.g. "I will beat you to death and drink your blood from a boot").


Warm Bodies
I just watched this the day before yesterday. I had thought this was an English movie, and even though it was proven pretty quickly to actually be American it still somehow kept an English feel to it throughout -- and I mean that in a very good way. The Romeo & Juliet angle was a bit heavy-handed but the basic premise was nicely done (i.e. some of the zombies retain some shred of humanity and one falls in love with a human (aka food) after eating the brains of her boyfriend and gaining his memories). The movie manages to be funny and heart-warming while still being about zombies. Highly recommended. I know that in the next zombie apocalypse I will definitely keep the content of this movie in mind.


The Lone Ranger
Really just, um, I mean, what? Is this a good movie or a bad movie? I don't even know. Why was Tonto pretending to be a wax-work figure in the museum? Why did I even keep watching?!
 
oh, also I really like Michelle Pfeiffer who is one of the witches in Stardust and is still really hot even now at whatever age she is.

You say that because you did not see her in the recent movie 'New Years Eve'. She looked really old, and that was a 2011 movie! She is 56 though...
 
Oh yes, I quite liked Stardust, RED, John Carter and Warm Bodies.

I also watched Man of Steel recently, which I quite liked. There was more character building than in previous movies, and it reminded me of a grittier movie version of the 'Smallville' TV show.

I am not sure if I reviewed Tai Chi Zero and Tai Chi Hero already, but if you love wuxia movies, you will love these flicks. They are steam punk kungfu comedies, and definitely worth a look.

I also watched XMen First Class again - one of my favourite super hero movies. Then again, I loved Star Wars Episodes 1,2,3 as well. I enjoy prequels, because we already know how the characters end up, but it's always enlightening to see how they became like that. (e.g. Darth Vader and Magneto being evil, Professor Xavier in a wheelchair etc.)

I fell asleep during Wrath of the Titans, but I understand that it was not very good.

I finally got around to watching Iron Man 3 - Tony Stark is a wan*er. Really unlikeable piece of work. The movie was ok, but I am glad I did not pay large sums of money to see it in the cinema.
 
I forgot about Drive Angry. If you like classic Nicholas Cage being a badass, then you will love this movie.
 
Then again, I loved Star Wars Episodes 1,2,3 as well. I enjoy prequels, because we already know how the characters end up(...)

...and that's when my trust in your reliability as a movie critic went straight south. ;)
 
I also watched Man of Steel recently, which I quite liked. There was more character building than in previous movies, and it reminded me of a grittier movie version of the 'Smallville' TV show.

I don't remember if I reviewed Man of Steel (and I can't be bothered trolling back through all the pages) so I'll give you my brief opinion: I liked the first part, the character and story development showed a lot of promise; but then the second half of the movie was just a lot of fighting, most of which was CGI. And when the fight is over, the bad guy gets up and the fight continues some more. Very disappointing second half.

Have just been to the movies and seen "Blended". I am NOT a big Adam Sandler fan. I have never liked people who act or speak stupidly for laughs, which is what he seems to do in many of his movies (and I'm not a big fan of Jim Carey for the same reason). However I did like Sandler in The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates (both with Drew Barrymore), so I thought I'd give the latest Sandler/Barrymore flick a go. And I enjoyed it.

The plot has Sandler and Barrymore meet on a blind date from hell, and both are happy to never see each other again. Obviously they then bump into each other a couple of times. He has three daughters, she has two sons. Sandler's boss was going to take his girlfriend (Barrymore's business partner) to South Africa, but she baulked and both Sandler and Barrymore got to take their families instead.

There is some footage of real wildlife, there is some CGI wildlife, and there is some other editing of footage as backgrounds.

There are a few silly things in it - mainly the South African acapella group (more specifically, their lead vocalist), and the concierge at the hotel, but overall I enjoyed the movie, even if it was a little predictable.

7/10

:p

Hix
 
In Time

well...this movie was not good. The premise is that everybody lives up to the age of 25 and then some glowey clock thing on their arm kicks in and they then only live as long as the minutes and hours displayed on their arm, but they can gain more time by working for it or stealing it or gambling for it -- time is money (geddit?). It actually does seem that the writer and/or director just made a list of puns about time and then stuck a movie around them. You could make a drinking game of it, where you take a shot whenever there is a quip about "don't waste my time" or "I don't have time for this". The trouble is you'd have passed out after a few minutes. Even the goddamn lead actor's name is a pun! Just In Timeberlake. See what I did there?

The movie tries to be oh so clever-clever but fails in every way it can. There is also the odd situation where everyone should be 25 -- they stop aging once their time-clock kicks in -- and yet some of them are quite obviously not quite that young. Cillian Murphy, for example, was 35 when this movie was made, and he looks it. I guess they have to have someone in there with some actual acting experience.

The stupidest part of the movie is where Timberlake somehow manages to get hired as one of the personal bodyguards of the country's richest man despite only deciding to do it the day before, while being the most-hunted and most-publicised criminal in the country, and while having already thoroughly met said rich man and being introduced to all his friends and family. Just staggeringly ridiculous.

2 out of 10 for this movie.
 
In Time

well...this movie was not good. The premise is that everybody lives up to the age of 25 and then some glowey clock thing on their arm kicks in and they then only live as long as the minutes and hours displayed on their arm, but they can gain more time by working for it or stealing it or gambling for it -- time is money (geddit?). It actually does seem that the writer and/or director just made a list of puns about time and then stuck a movie around them. You could make a drinking game of it, where you take a shot whenever there is a quip about "don't waste my time" or "I don't have time for this". The trouble is you'd have passed out after a few minutes. Even the goddamn lead actor's name is a pun! Just In Timeberlake. See what I did there?

The movie tries to be oh so clever-clever but fails in every way it can. There is also the odd situation where everyone should be 25 -- they stop aging once their time-clock kicks in -- and yet some of them are quite obviously not quite that young. Cillian Murphy, for example, was 35 when this movie was made, and he looks it. I guess they have to have someone in there with some actual acting experience.

The stupidest part of the movie is where Timberlake somehow manages to get hired as one of the personal bodyguards of the country's richest man despite only deciding to do it the day before, while being the most-hunted and most-publicised criminal in the country, and while having already thoroughly met said rich man and being introduced to all his friends and family. Just staggeringly ridiculous.

2 out of 10 for this movie.

Did you almost spit out your soda when Justin Timberlake referred to Olivia Wilde as his mom? Say wah??
 
I already knew she was playing his mother so it wasn't a surprise, but it was still incredibly creepy watching them interacting....
 
In other news, James Wan is directing Fast and Furious 7. James is an Aussie, went to university in Melbourne, and started the SAW (horror movies) franchise. FF7 should be off the hook - if there is more stunt driving and less CGI!!
 
In other news, James Wan is directing Fast and Furious 7. James is an Aussie, went to university in Melbourne, and started the SAW (horror movies) franchise. FF7 should be off the hook - if there is more stunt driving and less CGI!!
"off the hook"? Is that an attempt to sound young and cool so people will think you are in the age demographic of the Fast & Furious viewing audience? Does anybody even say "off the hook" any more? Hey, are you wearing your baseball cap sideways?
 
"off the hook"? Is that an attempt to sound young and cool so people will think you are in the age demographic of the Fast & Furious viewing audience? Does anybody even say "off the hook" any more? Hey, are you wearing your baseball cap sideways?

Hey, I am still young and cool!! :D Your ponytail came in and out of style at least 3 times since you have had it. :p I wear my baseball cap back-to-front like Marky Mark, thank you very much.

And if anyone here does not know who Marky Mark is, then please watch the newest Transformers movie.
 
one of my friends (a real one, not an imaginary one) has a sister-in-law whose ex-boyfriend (has anyone stopped following this yet?) wears a sideways baseball cap, baggy clothes three sizes too large, talks like a dick, and has his "street name" tattooed on his arm. He is in his late twenties but thinks he is a twelve year old who thinks he is a "gangsta". He even refers to himself as being "gangsta". It is the saddest thing to witness.
 
one of my friends (a real one, not an imaginary one) has a sister-in-law whose ex-boyfriend (has anyone stopped following this yet?) wears a sideways baseball cap, baggy clothes three sizes too large, talks like a dick, and has his "street name" tattooed on his arm. He is in his late twenties but thinks he is a twelve year old who thinks he is a "gangsta". He even refers to himself as being "gangsta". It is the saddest thing to witness.

It depends on where he lives though. South Central LA sounds about right.

Was anyone else picturing Vanilla Ice when reading that?
 
It depends on where he lives though. South Central LA sounds about right.

Was anyone else picturing Vanilla Ice when reading that?
haha, seriously he is just like a fat Vanilla Ice now you mention it! Word.
 
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